when it feels urgent
The call comes. The request needs immediate and urgent action! There’s a desperation in your loved ones voice. He or she is pleading with you to do this thing RIGHT NOW!
There will be critical repercussions if you don’t do it now.
Your nervous system, most likely already compromised, is at attention. You want to help. You’re good at it. You know just what to do. You can take that action. And you can do it now!
So you drop whatever else you were doing and save the day for your loved one. Of course, this may be after a long and stressful interaction (notice the word ‘discussion’ is not used). The interaction is fraught with urgent tension. He or she convinces you that by this one action, their life will be so much better.
This one simple thing that you can do for them is critical!
Or is it?
I lived in the aura of urgency created by my son Adam’s insistent requests and demands for many years. Yes, I excelled at ‘fixing’ his problems and taking immediate action.That’s the outside view. On the inside, I secretly lived in perpetual anxiety, exhaustion, and panic at what might happen next.
Then I hit my bottom and sought help.
I developed knowledge about alcoholism and drug addiction. What a surprise to learn that my son’s behaviors and the continual string of chaos was typical. Oh my goodness… I was no longer alone. My secret and hidden stresses (maybe they weren’t as hidden as I thought) could be shared with others who understood.
This was the beginning of my inner journey to deepening awareness.
As I discussed and journaled and read about addiction, my reactions to Adam shifted. I slowly began to practice pausing before speaking or acting. Then one day a highly respected and wise and woman said to me something quite profound,
“Whenever I feel a sense of urgency, I know to stop and do nothing.”
She went on to demonstrate, with real life situations in her own life, how that feeling of urgency was a red flag to stop and do nothing. Hearing her stories was the nourishment my body, mind, and spirit hungered for. An amazing opportunity for me to practice this soon presented itself.
It was late afternoon on the sunny southwest coast of Florida. My cell phone rang. It was Adam, living in the Northeast, sobbing that he had to move. No job, no car, no money for food or to pay rent. His request was intensely urgent.
“Can I come and live with you?”
To hear one’s child crying in desperation and asking for help wretched my grieving heart. Yet I also knew he was a full blown alcoholic and using street drugs. I listened - knowing that to simply say ‘yes’ to his plea would serve neither of us - and finally spoke with a neutral tone.
“After I finish my work day and my evening meeting I’ll get back to you.”
While the remainder of my day was challenging - to say the least - there was also a small part of me that felt calm. I carried on. Just as I was leaving the last meeting of my day, a dear friend said that she had something I might be interested in. She pulled out a newspaper to show me an article about a new recovery program in town for men.
I read the article when I arrived home and called the number listed. A man answered. Sharing the overview of Adam’s situation, he responded that my son would be a perfect fit for this free program. It felt like an amazing miracle! I called Adam.
“You cannot live with me. However, there is a recovery program that you might be interested in.”
That was a Monday evening. It was a roller-coaster week of decision making and planning. On Friday morning of that very same week, I picked Adam up at the airport and delivered him to the program.
This story is a dramatic example of the power to
pause, reflect, and allow a situation to unfold
even when an immediate decision seems dire. By not reacting in panic and desperation, a solution I could never have dreamed up presented itself.
When that feeling of urgency wells up inside of me, it’s a red flag to not take action. That feeling reminds me to stop and reflect. It’s in this space that magic can happen!
Wishing you healthier happier living…
With love,