impact
My son, Adam, would have turned thirty-one today.
It strikes me again that we don’t ‘get over’ a loved one’s death. We carry them in our hearts. And our hearts hurt.
Adam suffered from addictions. He found sobriety. And then he believed he could drink socially. He died drunk.
During Adam’s life I found recovery for myself, meaning I learned about addiction and alcoholism and took a deep look at myself to see my part in his addiction. How was I enabling him? What was wrong with me that I couldn’t fix him? How was I communicating with him? This type of questioning, support from trusted friends and a therapist, and Alanon helped me. I shifted from reacting to Adam to responding to him.
Adam found sobriety a few years after me. It was beautiful. We both shared in the honesty, depth of communication, and mutual respect that recovery offers. Our loving relationship blossomed.
When he died, I was devastated and so grateful for the year of sobriety we shared so closely.
Adam’s life and death has greatly impacted the person I am today. My recovery continues much in the same way; questioning my beliefs, pausing and reflecting before responding, and practicing self-care.
On this day, I tip my cap to Adam and thank him for teaching me so much about living a more respectful, compassionate, and loving life. And I allow my aching heart to weep.
With healing light and love,