Expressing the pain of loss
Twenty-four years ago, my then husband and I were driving home from the hospital after the death of our infant, Thomas, when the car broke down on the highway. He looked under the hood of the car and said that some type of belt had broken which meant that we were stuck. I had no fear and ‘knew’ someone would stop to help.
Almost instantaneously a man in a pick-up truck pulled over and asked if we needed help. This kind stanger went a half-hour out of his way to drive us to our door. That was 1996, pre-cell phone days.
Our children, along with the priest/monk I mentioned in another story, met us inside our home. Jenna would turn eight years old in a week and Adam was a five-year old. We sat in the living room and told the children that their baby brother had just died.
Jenna burst into tears. Adam asked, “What’s for dinner?”
I love this story because it reminds me how we each process loss in different ways. Those were the children’s immediate responses. As time moved forward, we grieved together and separately.
Jenna's drawing
We honored Thomas every night before our family dinner by invoking his name to watch over us and keep us safe, and healthy, and happy. The kids wrote poems, made drawings, and created puppets about Thomas. I made lots of art.
As I write this little story, I see layers of sweetness mingled with grief. The generosity of a stranger, the shock erupting in tears, and the desire to keep a routine. Mostly, I am reminded of the importance to express the pain of our loss and to honor a life that has passed to the next realm.
I honor baby Thomas, the little being who broke my heart open and taught me about Love.
With healing light & love,